December 22, 2008
We’ve all had the experience of interacting with someone who has different values or beliefs. These differences can create communication problems, but there are several steps we can take to improve our relationships with people who have values different from our own. Here are the first three:
1. Focus on ‘business issues’ rather than ‘personal issues’. In my travels as a consultant, one of the most common causes of workplace conflict pertains to value differences. People have deeply held beliefs about a variety of topics and sometimes, are happy to share those beliefs. Of course, conflict can occur with those who have different belief systems. These conflicts can often be prevented if people focus on work issues and not issues of a more personal nature. This is easier said than done because we bring who we are to our jobs. However, you can minimize conflict by limiting discussion of personal issues and by focusing your conversations on the business at hand.
2. Clarify the value differences. If the value differences you have with a colleague are having an impact on communication, clarify these differences and how they are affecting your interactions. In other words, be clear about how and why the value differences are creating problems. Come to a mutually satisfying agreement on how you will manage these differences by describing what each of you will do to improve the situation.
3. Be empathetic and genuinely try to understand the other person. When value differences arise, it is important that you make a sincere effort to understand where the other person is coming from. Empathy can be described as stepping into another person’s shoes and experiencing the world from his or her perspective. You don’t have to agree with the other person’s beliefs, but you should try to understand them (and help the person understand your beliefs as well).
NEXT POST – December 24, 2008
How to Communicate When Your Values are Different: Part 2
December 17, 2008
Greetings, in my last post, I described two steps we can take to improve our communication effectiveness with people who have a disability: (1) work to dispel the “myths” that many of us have about persons with disabilities; and (2) when interacting with persons with disabilities, the most important thing to do is to be yourself. Here are 3 additional actions that will improve your communication effectiveness:
1. Never treat a person with a disability like a child or a “cripple”. Don’t hover over them as if you are waiting for something to happen (e.g., for the person to fall). Most people will find this very annoying, and it is usually unnecessary. While this sounds obvious, many of us unconsciously behave in a patronizing manner out of a sincere desire to be helpful and supportive. While our intentions may be honorable, we must be aware of how our behaviors may be perceived by a person with a disability.
2. When it appears that a physically challenged person needs help, offer your assistance but don’t insist. Simply ask, “How can I help?” The person will appreciate your willingness to assist, but allow him or her to make independent decisions. If the person requests your assistance, do what you can to help.
3. If a person with a physical disability does fall, don’t panic. Wait for a cue from the person (unless he/she is seriously injured, in which case you must act). He or she will often be capable of getting up without assistance and may prefer to do so. Once again, let the person make an independent decision about how (if at all) you may assist.
NEXT POST – December 22, 2008
How to Communicate When Your Values are Different: Part 1
December 12, 2008
According to the 2000 Census, about 49.7 million Americans live with some form of disability that impairs a major life function (about 19.3% of the population). Over 20 million American families have at least one member with a disability. This includes sensory disabilities involving sight and hearing, as well as physical, mental and emotional conditions. Because of this, coming into contact with someone who has a disability is more likely today than ever before. This can make some of us feel uncomfortable or awkward because we don’t always know what to say or how to behave. To get off on the right foot and improve your communication effectiveness, keep the following in mind:
1. Work to dispel the “myths” that many of us have about persons with disabilities. For example, one myth is that such persons are unable to lead normal lives. Another myth is that persons with disabilities can only perform menial tasks and entry level jobs. Yet another myth is that employees with disabilities create safety risks, increase costs and are less productive. Myths such as these have led to significant employment discrimination. That was the primary reason for the 1990 passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act. The fact is, persons with disabilities are successfully employed at all levels in virtually every field. A review of numerous studies shows persons with disabilities have better safety records than other employees, are equally productive and do not generally cause increases in health care costs. The managers of employees with disabilities report that they are no harder to work with than other employees and often rate them as harder workers who are more reliable and punctual. Therefore, you should never assume that a person who is challenged in some way is unable to perform up to the level of other individuals.
2. When interacting with persons with disabilities, the most important thing to do is to be yourself. Do not feel like you must act in any particular way to make the person comfortable. Also, don’t let the fact that the person has a disability prevent you from interacting with them. Most persons with disabilities want to be treated like anyone else. Not like they have a handicap that prevents them from being a “normal” person.
NEXT POST – December 17, 2008
Working with Persons with Disabilities: Part 2
December 8, 2008
Greetings, in my last post, I described three steps we can take to improve communication with people who have difficulty speaking English: (1) have patience with the person; (2) make sure the noise level is low; and (3) use active listening to check for understanding. Here are 4 additional actions that will improve your communication effectiveness:
1. Speak Clearly and Concisely but Not in a Patronizing Manner. One of the biggest mistakes that people make in cross-cultural communication is to “talk down” to someone because of their difficulty with English. This can happen unintentionally so be aware of how you are responding, both verbally and non-verbally, to your speaking partner.
2. Pay Close Attention to Nonverbal Clues. Because of their difficulty with verbal communication, a person may communicate a significant part of the message by nonverbal means. This can include the person’s facial expressions, tone of voice, posture and body language.
3. Try Not to Finish the Person’s Sentences. Sometimes this is difficult to do because you want the person to “spit it out” and tell you what’s on his or her mind. However, your speaking partner may have trouble finding the right words. It is more effective to be patient, and let the person finish at his or her pace.
4. Reduce Your Rate of Speech and Repeat or Rephrase Statements. If necessary, speak more slowly, and repeat or rephrase statements until your communication partner understands. Likewise, ask your partner to repeat statements if you don’t understand.
NEXT POST – December 12, 2008
Working with Persons with Disabilities
December 3, 2008
There are millions of Americans for whom English is not the primary language. According to the 2000 Census, over 380 languages are spoken in the U.S. 17% of the U.S. population speaks a language other than English in the home. This can certainly create some communication problems within the workplace, but there are several things you can do to communicate more effectively with a person who has some difficulty speaking English:
1. Have Patience with the Person. Give your speaking partner a chance to get his or her message across. Keep in mind that the person is speaking a language that is not his or her native tongue so additional time may be necessary. Also, if you are having trouble understanding the person’s words (e.g., due to an accent), listen closely for several minutes without interrupting. This can greatly aid your comprehension of the message.
2. Make Sure the Noise Level is Low. Noise is one of the biggest barriers to effective communication and can create many distractions. Try to find a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes so that you can focus on your speaking partner’s message.
3. Use Active Listening to Check for Understanding. Active listening may be the most powerful tool there is for effective communication. It consists of the listener’s attempt to give back (or reflect which is why this is also called reflective listening) what has been stated by the speaker. This serves two very important purposes. First, it allows the listener to further clarify what the speaker is saying. Second, it clearly demonstrates to the speaker that he/she is being heard and understood. Both you and your speaking partner should “reflect” back to each other what the other has said to confirm comprehension of the message.
NEXT POST – December 8, 2008
How to Communicate When English is NOT the Primary Language: Part 2
November 25, 2008
Greetings, in today’s post, I introduce another article written by Daryl Hannah that identifies 7 things you should never say to gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered (GLBT) co-workers who have “come out of the closet”. Of particular interest are the comments by a PricewaterhouseCoopers executive who has been “out” for 10 years and shares some of her experiences and insights:
1. “I suspected you were gay.”
2. “I’m sorry.”
3. “Why did you tell me that?”
4. “Which bathroom do you use?”
5. “We are not close enough for you to share that information with me.”
6. Referring to coworkers as “she-male.”
7. “What do you like to do in bed?”
Of course, you can visit www.diversityinc.com/thingsnottosay to review the full article and get a thorough description of each of the 7 statements.
NEXT POST: December 3, 2008
Have a Wonderful Thanksgiving Holiday!
November 21, 2008
In today’s post, I am highlighting an article by Zayda Rivera that describes 8 things you should never say to women executives (or women at any organizational level for that matter). In addition to pointing out several inappropriate and problematic behaviors when it comes to interacting with women, particularly women in management positions, this article really demonstrates how many of these behaviors and statements are genuinely innocent and are not intended to harm anyone, but can create many problems nonetheless:
1. Any kind of sexual comment.
2. “You don’t really want that promotion. You’ll never see your kids.”
3. “You’ll get the job because you’re a woman” or “You must be the token woman”
4. “What’s the matter, is it that time of the month?”
5. “You’re very attractive [or pretty, or beautiful, etc.]”
6. “You look great for your age” or “Do you use Botox?”
7. “You do that so well … for a girl.”
8. “When are you due?”
Another nice feature of this article is that it offer several audio clips to further demonstrate and describe the problematic nature of these statements. You can review the full article at www.diversityinc.com/thingsnottosay.
NEXT POST – November 25, 2008